Since I have posted here, life has unfolded with many twists and turns, much personal growth, amidst pretty significant life changes last year (2015) - as well as a year filled with flare ups and ongoing acute illness episodes.....But. here WE all are. In this moment!
I intend to start sharing again, and updating on here as to what is happening and what I learn along the way. What I learn about my health, the complexities of Fibromyalgia, the ongoing shift in my healing focus and that road to wellness that we continually aspire to and work towards - not just those of us with FMS...Most importantly I intend to share what I learn about myself along the way, and what others` share with me about their travels with FMS and related issues and illnesses.
Last year, 2015 was a BIG year and it seems many people faced challenges of their own. Rather than dwell on specifics (and get bogged down with specifics), I prefer to always look for the light - to search for the silver linings and those that have been with me, since the book (back in 2012) will understand this....and hopefully relate. I will say, however that it was THE most difficult year I have faced, since early FMS days that overwhelmed me back in 2007, 2008 and 2009 (and explored in the book).
2015 was indeed a year that I faced many changing realities. In many areas of my life. It was a year that amidst the depth of changing circumstances I plunged to rock bottom - more than once. At times I didn`t feel that I could continue, and I felt utterly broken. However, the silver lining - forced from necessity, was that `I had to ask for help`. More to the point, I actually had to accept help. There was just no other way. It was a year that forced me to question ALL aspects of my existence, and at times I couldn't see a way through and didn`t think I could forge one or make one either. It was overwhelming beyond measure and stressful beyond comprehension.
If I was to say what one thing actually did get me through and stop me from falling further into darkness - I would say the `fibro community` and friends that I had made, through doing the book, the support groups, the page and the connections that had been developed locally here in Adelaide. If there is one thing that YOU all must do and must have, is support.. Develop support networks and find your `tribe`..Understanding and people that really get `you` and can miraculously appear and shine a glimmer of hope and light, when as an individual you can no longer do this for yourself. The ones that appear with food, and send messages and understand the underlying tones of your facebook posts....and stalk you and find ways they may accidentally come into your path - because they know you wont ask, and you will isolate yourself and you will avoid them as things are so dark that you do not wish to tarnish ANYONE.
We all know that we need balance in our lives - that we need to surround ourselves with people that inspire us and that we aspire to. We won`t fare very well if all our friends are unwell especially if they are all crashing at the same time. Indeed, too much sickness, sadness and negative emotion needs to be carefully managed. However, sometimes we don't want to be inspired and we don't wish to aspire to anything OTHER than being able to get out of bed...or maybe - have a shower! For just a few months - luckily for me, my fibro networks knew how serious the situation was - and pulled together - and it was ALL and I say ALL - was about me. There was no other way. I needed to eat, I needed to get to Doctors/medical centres, have tests done and wasn't capable of much. It was a scary time.
I know this story rings true for many. Some for short time and some for longer time. Largely depends on the severity of the illness, as well as emotionally what else is happening in our life. I dropped the ball.... But, thankfully the ball rolled - and others were able to bring it back to me. Along with food, transport, practical support, hand holding and a whole lot of unconditional and heartfelt love.
So, that being said - I am sure I will continue to draw on some of those situations as things unfold here and I continue to share. Its too much (*negative) to express in one post and I still have much to work through emotionally due to all the changes and this is still a work in progress.
Reflecting and prompted by my decision to start writing here again - I found something I wrote back in June 2013. I wanted to share this - because its surprisingly very wise. I read it again and see that really nothing has changed in regards to this list. The last year has in fact brought all of this back into the forefront. ALL very relevant.... As well as simple key things to ponder, no matter where you may be in your journey with Fibromyalgia Syndrome (or related illnesses/conditions). Nothing that will make the road paved, with neat gutters and lights at the sides or fill your ruby slippers with the good stuff..No magical answers. But simple ideas to consider putting into place. Ideas that have underlying tips for living a more grounded life with the challenges that we may face. To help ride the waves and maybe even avoid the most dramatic of tsunamis. This list has again brought me back to my centre... Different - and yet the same stuff over and again...Different layers but same stuff.
GRATITUDE - top 10 that I am thankful for whilst living with Fibromyalgia - June 2013.
10/ Building partnerships with Practitioners/Providers that have been equal, caring, supportive and respectful. Grateful for the Practitioners that have crossed my path and continue to be a part of my future health care team.
9/ TIME to live in the moment, with deliberate notice of the many things around me. To get to know myself better. To accept that change is a part of growth.
8/ Perspective to realise that this is MY challenge, and the gratitude to appreciate that if it was not this, then it would be something else. To surrender and learn to go with the flow, and to accept things I can`t change or have no control over.
7/ Opportunities to think about and do things I would never have anticipated. To focus on health, nutrition and ALL aspects of wellbeing.
6/ Increased problem solving skills that have been necessary to consider events and activities that many others take for granted. Anything is possible - sometimes I just work harder to create the solution.
5/ Appreciation of little things and reaffirming that it is indeed the little things that may well possibly be the better things. The importance of gratitude in remaining positive and optimistic!
4/ Patience with myself, living mindfully and with conscious awareness. I am doing the best I can at every moment in time.
3/ Appreciation of boundaries with the realisation that these are critical and were non existent. Accepting that I have the right to say NO without feeling guilty, to change my mind and listen to my body.
2/ The Healing Journey that has taken me into new networks, new worlds, new ways of thinking, new learning and new friendships. One that has enriched my personal understanding of the importance of balance. Prompted me to get to know myself and increase my self awareness and insight. Strengthened my spirit and allowed me to be proud of myself. Prompted me to seek out nature, strive for balance and peace of mind together with a deep appreciation and acceptance of the person I am and am Becoming.
1/ SELF love, which underpins SELF care which is essential for respecting my own needs and a valued part of empowering ones self. Taking care of myself and my needs is not selfish. I am important and my health care and wellbeing is my job, and I have to respect and value myself enough to continue to move forward. Trust, believe. I am enough, I am loved, I love.
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All of the above were written at a time when my struggle with Fibromyalgia Syndrome was in accepting the changes and trying to move forward whilst adapting life and working on the physical aspects.
Through this last year much of it is relevant for other reasons... Number 1/ (`SELF love`) is of priority to me also this year personally, in my whole wellbeing. My `self love` is right at forefront, and of utmost importance - and you will be hearing more about this aspect specifically, in the near future.
Wishing you rainbows and the gentlest of hugs. Until next time,
Much Love and Many blessings -
DEE
xxx.
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