Does self awareness help self management ??
The first time I attended a self management course (for people living with chronic conditions) was when I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia in late 2007 – after declining health had been a part of my life for around 6 years prior. That self management course was very valuable and provided me with some sound strategies for coping, some friendship and validation from others travelling similar journeys and some self awareness and insights. Undoubtedly it helped me through a very difficult time in my life.
However, it was only after becoming increasingly unwell and coming to a rapidly declining place in 2011 that I actually started to put into practise some of what I had learned. The first step for me was making a very tough decision to leave my employment. The next step was encountering on some restoration of health, and to `focus` and work on the things I needed to do to stabilise and better manage this condition that is fibromyalgia. The next step was writing my own book `Fibromyalgia Well-Being` and through this step came some deep healing and peace at an emotional level, together with the realisation that I needed to start actually implementing some of the things I had learned around 4 years earlier – through that self management course.
However, it was upon embarking on another 2 week self management course via LEAP SA just recently in February 2013 (`Knowing Emotional and Physical Pain`) – that I had an `ah ha` moment. You could say a moment of enlightenment and one that clicked on the switch to an even better sense of self awareness and understanding, which I believe will only better assist me with my long term coping.
We all know the benefits of evidence based research, and the power of becoming better informed about our condition. We know that knowledge can greatly assist us in understanding and accepting our new `reality` with chronic illness and allow (and enable) the changes that arise from necessity.
However, although the self management strategies have good support and research from people `in the know`- I often feel that the power of human connection is often underestimated. The power of participating in such workshops – delivered by others in a similar situation – is enormous. Also understanding that there are limits to what we can learn and control on a physical level. I am not saying that I am psychologically unbalanced BUT I suggest that I was underestimating the importance of knowing that another important key – is to become aware and understand (and work with) the `illness burden`. That is, the level of impact and interruption on our lives. WHAT this condition and the symptoms and impacts mean to us as individuals. AND what we can change ourselves – to make things a little better – as this is our own journey. That is the bottom line – and if we can then progressively work with this – we become more successful and resilient. We can only do this properly through a guided and structured self awareness process. There are many elements to coping well (physical - psychological - spiritual) and enhancing our wellbeing.
Jenny and Viv (from `LEAP SA`), certainly walk what they talk. They give great testimony to how better self awareness can support self management - and in turn, can influence our coping in a positive way. They demonstrate this through their own lives and share their experiences ON a human level. They inspire the participants and through connection, a warmth and spirit of open ness fills the workshop.
Through exploring aspects of emotional and physical pain and the impacts of these – the participants are able to slowly unravel their confusing time and begin to develop better awareness of their individual self. To be honest, I thought that the course would be informative and I remain open to learning and self development every day. However, I did not think that I would experience such a deep level of personal healing, this (second) time around.
After feeling validated and understanding more about pain, and exploring the connection between physical and emotional pain – I was able to ponder some very valid and interesting concepts of myself, that had been discussed. As we further discussed and shared of ourselves, I began to consider a very important concept for me…… On the one hand, not really related to the condition BUT very much related to how I COPE with this condition and live out every day in managing my condition. I was now in a different place to where I was when first doing a course in 2007. I was at a different place in my personal cycle of acceptance and grief.
I believe we all have `fears`, and usually we have a whole suitcase full of fears and we carry them around often unaware (sub consciously). I hadn’t really given this much thought. But, what was my biggest fear? What was influencing my behaviour and therefore impacting on my management – and my life?…. I pondered this for the following week. Well, there are usually multiple fears - lack of finances, rejection, uncertainty, death, further loss of mobility and loss of lifestyle, relationship changes etc. We all have a bit of all of these.
However, upon deeper reflection I worked out that my biggest fear, through conditioning and continually feeding through my behaviours and thoughts – was my deepest fear of `not being good enough`. This simple belief had so much influence on my self esteem and self image and therefore, played out in my day to day behaviour(s). I even googled it on the internet - and there is an actual name for it (of course).
I am not saying that I `blame` anyone for perpetuating this belief. I am not even going to `blame` this way of thinking for my health issues. I am here NOW and this is where my point of power lies. But, I can now see where the patterns are (were) for ME.
Growing up = I need to try harder, work harder, I need people to like me, I cant be myself as I am not good enough, I don’t know enough, I don’t deserve love, I cant learn, its never enough, people wont like you, life is hard, push, push, push. I impose what I `think` are the epxectations of others and strive hard to not only measure up BUT go beyond these `expected expectations`. I perpetuated these thoughts and although completely unaware they drove my behaviour to some extent. Even when I was learning to manage and cope with fibromyalgia earlier on. This did not make me unwell directly BUT undoing some of this, can better assist me NOW and into the future.
If you have read my book (`Fibromyalgia Well-Being`) – you would remember that I did begin to change these behaviours, though not knowing why. I began to reinforce to myself that I am worthy, that I am a hard worker, that I can have good friends and good things and experiences, and that it IS enough. To BE instead of DO has become a theme – though it was initially challenging. I began to acknowledge that I am a good person, and that to do my best is enough. I don’t have to push myself and be that people pleaser. I reinforce all of this on my own daughter now.
So, the biggest learning for me – this time around is that fibromyalgia has prompted me to face some of my fears – and through doing that we become even more powerful and enlightened. We can work WITH instead of against. We can learn new ways and better ways to cope. We can change. Change is good……Instead of viewing the negatives framed as `losses` to turn this around into `changes`. Neither good nor bad – just a different view or perspective. I made changes because I had to BUT now can see `why` they may have been there to begin with.
So, although I have fibromyalgia, its my awareness of how this affects me on a day to day basis (especially my thinking) that shape and influence my self management. Only through exploring this and unravelling our thinking and alleviating some of the stress burden (real and perceived) that we begin to see clearer. `KEAP` enabled us to be guided systematically, with TLC and bring us to the point where we may begin to understand how we may have some power over our perceptions and understanding. And also that we can challenge some of these and perhaps live a little easier with improved long term management.
I am so glad that I had the opportunity to attend this KEAP course with Jenny and Viv. As well as providing me with inspiration, renewed hope and encouragement – they also provided me with the space and opportunity to do some introspective exploration. I will make sure I revisit these modules and learning from time to time. Its important and valuable, when we have long term chronic conditions, or other life challenges.
I thoroughly recommend and suggest that others choose to participate in such learning – about themselves. I encourage others also seek the opportunity to draw on the modules, training program and information BUT most importantly, enjoy the experience that comes with being amongst peers within a mutually supportive environment. To remain open to exploring ways to improve your own individual situation – no matter what the circumstances! My heartfelt Thanks to Jenny and Viv , for all they offer and give to others.
The outcome you may experience from participating in such a workshop/course will assist your wellbeing and maybe even your outlook on life. Not a cure in itself, and not `the answer` (maybe a reminder), but definitely an important piece of the management puzzle. It was the supportive environment, the practical learning, the sharing, the exploring, the problem solving, the encouragement, the self awareness AND the way in which the content is delivered, and the shared experiences and genuineness of the group leaders/facilitators that provides the whole very very useful and worthwhile package. :-)
